Tricks and Treats

What we have in mind for this page is something on the order of Zeke Jabbour's Winsome and Loathsome column in The Bridge Bulletin.

More Bridge Lessons

By Tom Lill

I was at NABC, playing notrump, just three
when the lead just made me faint.
I put on a big frown, I thought I was one down,
I’d begun to see breaks that they ain’t.
All the kibitzers gathered, to see what’s the matter,
Director came to see was I tryin’;
but my partner said, “Give him more bridge lessons;
they seem to make him play just fine.”

I was told a little tale about a pretty good player
playing lots, trying to shake off some disasters.
He was hung up on his gold points, playin’ teams
and trying to get enough gold points to make Life Master.
Well, I’ll tell you in a jiffy how he entered in a Cinci
Regional, playing poorly, lookin rusty.
He tried a little Swiss teams, a little bit of pairs;
he checked the recap sheets, but the points they were not there.
And his partner said, “Give him more bridge lessons;
They seem to make him play just fine.”

So if you ever go down three, get partner run quickly
to the dusty closet shelf.
And pull down some Goren, it isn’t too borin’
and do a little study yourself.
Then call on your team-mates, along with all their mates,
and come and try it just one more time;
‘Cause your partner said, “Give him more bridge lessons;
They seem to make him play just fine.”

I was playin’ in a part - score, with overtricks galore,
when I got tripped up by a bad break.
It was 5-0 on my right but I still had lots of fight
and I searched around for tricks just for a bare make.
As I struggled for an endplay, the kibitzers thought “no way”
and I tried to slip a singleton past rightie.
He counted out his diamonds, I counted out mine;
and everyone knows that the very last line
is: My partner said, “Give him more bridge lessons.
They seem to make him play just fine.”

Editor's commentary: If no one else is going to submit any articles, you'll just have to put up with garbage like this! And you'll wait a long, long time for an apology ...

Guidelines for submitting a column

Do you have something of interest you'd like to share with the rest of us? Would you like fame, fortune, and glory? Do you just want to see your name up on the Web?

Well, most of that's OK, but forget about the fortune part. We'll consider posting your article, but we don't pay a dime. Consider it a labor of love.

We do ask that you keep these guidelines in mind when submitting an article:

• The article may be fact, fiction, serious, humorous, instructional - whatever. But ...
• The article must be related to bridge, however tenuously. Don't bother submitting Aunt Martha's recipe for chocolate chip cookies - unless you can find a bridge connection somewhere within it.
• Keep it reasonably short - a few pages, tops. If you're the second coming of Victor Mollo, we'll consider a longer article. (Of course, in that case, you'll probably have some professional editors contacting you soon ...)
• Keep a reasonably high standard of decorum. Articles will be reviewed by the Board of Directors and the Webmaster before being published. Articles may be rejected for any reason (or no reason at all). We reserve the right to edit articles for spelling and grammar. Before making serious changes, we will contact you before publishing.
• Don't forget about copyright. Other people's copyright, that is.

Submit your article to the Webmaster.

Archive of past columns:

• Three Treats at the Long Beach NABC

Home